Vang Vieng

Situated in central Laos, Vang Vieng is simply put a place where westerners go to get wasted and have fun on the Nam Song River whilst doing so.

The main water sport in Vang Vieng involves renting a tractor inner tube, painted bright yellow, being taken by tuk tuk 3km upstream and then leisurely floating your way back to town. Along the way people from the numerous bars offering liquid refreshment that line the route will throw you a rope which you can either grab or ignore as is your want.

With our inner tubes at the start.

Obviously the more times you stop the longer it takes, but as we found out, floating down a large river in an inner tube at the mercy of the current as nightfall approaches is not something I’d personally recommend.

After a couple of drinks at the bar positioned by the start line we set off and it wasn’t long before several ropes were being hurled our way by staff eager to entice us into their establishment, which more often than not consisted of just a bamboo shack haphazardly erected on the riverbank.

After floating all of about 100 yards we grabbed a rope and were pulled ashore to the 'Jungle of Love’ bar. After a couple more drinks, for some reason (vodka) we decided to spray paint various parts of our bodies with Jungle bar stencils and then fire ourselves into the Nam Song by way of the ludicrously high water slide.

Stephie looking not all that happy on the Jungle of Love bar water slide.

As time was getting on we clambered back into our tubes and set sail. As we rounded the bend my eyes fell upon another water slide in the distance. Only this one was considerably higher, much longer and altogether more terrifying. The design was similar to that of a ski jump, the kind that Eddie the Eagle Edwards used to so successfully throw himself off. We duly grabbed the ropes which were flung our way and scrambled ashore.

After surveying the slide I downed another drink and began to climb the hundred or so steps (OK so there were maybe thirty but it felt like a lot more) egged on by Stephie who I could barely make out from the altitude I now found myself at. As I sat at the top of the slide and looked down I swear a little piece of poo came out. ‘Too late now’ I said to myself as the signal was given that it was safe for me to begin my decent.

Before I knew it I was approaching the end of the slide at warp speed all the time saying to myself ‘Please don’t let me die, please don’t let me die’. I left the end of the slide and was catapulted up into the air, landing some twenty feet away in the river (although Stephie claims it wasn’t that far, but what does she know, she didn’t do it).

I emerged from the murky depths and made my way to the riverbank eager to see the picture of me soaring through the air that Stephie would have surely captured. I was to be disappointed, and not just once. I repeated the jump twice more before declaring that if Stephie didn’t get the shot this time I was calling it a day.

Bounding up the steps for the fourth and final time.

I confidently (cockily) climbed the steps once more and with my pre-jump rituals over, which essentially consisted of me pleading not to die, I eased myself forward and began my descent. Only this time as I approached the end of the slide I felt my body turn slightly sideways, I was out of shape, and not just physically. I hurtled through the air only this time as I approached the surface of the water I was side on. I braced for impact. As I entered the water the air in my body was instantly expelled and replaced by a pain not dissimilar, one would imagine, to that of being dropped onto a concrete slab.

As I emerged desperately gasping for air I saw Stephie on the riverbank mouthing the words ‘Are you OK?’ I simply shook my head. Of course I wasn’t bloody OK! I somehow made it to the water’s edge all the while telling myself the pain would be worth it, so long as Stephie had caught the incident on camera.

I’ll let you judge her efforts for yourselves.

Ouch!